Artificial Sweeteners: To use or not to use

There has been a lot of talk about artificial sweeteners lately - or at least in my neck of the world. What is the deal? Why are so many people drinking them or how did they get so "hooked" on them? Are they drugs? Are they addictive? Are they toxic to our bodies? Yes, yes and yes! So why are so many people choosing to look the other way and pretend like they are okay? Oh, yeah, that's right, they are "no-calorie" so we won't get fat. Don't worry. Our bodies will only metabolize them as a poison instead of as a sugar. Yes - great idea! So, enough of my sarcasm (sorry sometimes I really can't refrain) and on to the real deal.

Splenda is my favorite one lately - not only is it "made from real sugar so it tastes like real sugar" but it is 500 times sweeter than real sugar (because sugar isn't sweet enough dammit). But it is especially great because they are able to substitute hydroxyl atoms on sugar (remember how sugar is made up of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen) and replace them with Chlorine atoms! Wow - great idea - that makes it an organochlorine now - putting it in the same family as the infamous DDT pesticide! Since it seems like the majority of Americans are calorie-scared, Splenda makes a great alternative to sugar. Lets just hope these people never pee it out so it never gets into the environment!

Oooh, aspartame is another super alternative sweetener. I love that aspartame could not get approved by the FDA until Donald Rumsfeld (yes, the Donald Rumsfeld) became the CEO of Searle (who owned aspartame since a researcher who was working for them discovered it) and was able to get it passed. Fishy? Oh no, I don't think so. There is an especially great site http://www.aspartame.net/ (which is owned by the producer of aspartame) that states how safe aspartame is and squashes all those "silly" rumors on the adverse health effects of the sweetener. No studies on multiple sclerosis and aspartame? Hmm. Wonder why.